I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ~Philippians 4:13
I can’t honestly say why I risked it all.
There was no burning bush, no lightning bolts. No apparitions and no voices in my head.
So many times I thought to myself, this is *really* crazy. I mean, seriously … who does this?
When you are let go from a job, a job that you want to keep, it can be an extremely humbling experience. The enemy starts by talking non-stop, like it’s stuck on ‘repeat’, over and over in your mind.
- You didn't deserve that job.
- You will NOT be missed and they SO glad you’re gone.
- They don’t want you and no one else will want you either.
- They never liked you.
- They don’t need you.
- You aren't good enough.
Never dreamed I’d be there.
But, as distraught as I was, I couldn't figure out why I also had this crazy, relentless idea in my head about cardio dance and Christian music.
The first production company I called - a female entrepreneur no less - started by telling me that their services were outside my budget (mind you, she never asked me my budget) and ended by telling me she’d call me back the next day to get more information.
She never called back.
I took SO many wrong steps. It felt like I was running on a treadmill. So much activity, so little progress.
So many times I wanted to give up, even started working on my resume. Remember, the enemy is crafty, using whatever it takes to distract us from the truth, trying to convince us to hide our inner light … whatever it takes.
He starts quietly in your mind, telling you he is your friend, your only friend.
He’s just trying to help you, just looking out for you – and then of course… the thoughts start to creep in:
- Don’t take a chance, you might fail.
- It’s dangerous out there, you might lose everything.
- Are you crazy???
- You’ll be all by yourself.
and the scariest thought of all time – THEY WILL LAUGH AT YOU
What could be worse than that?
What I know now
I have so many people who prayed for me, prayed with me, supported me, listened to me, let me cry (repeatedly) on their shoulders, never judged me or belittled me or made me feel bad. They always, always, always filled me with love and kindness. I only have a few of these people in my life, but they are certified angels, sent from heaven, directly from God Himself – I am totally sure of that.
There were those who tried to convince me to give up, go in a different direction, slow down, or think smaller. Close friends were suddenly enemies, business deals vanished… all kinds of weird, unexplainable, hurtful stuff that came out of nowhere and almost took me completely out of this project – many, many times. When first-level fear tactics don’t work, the enemy will resort to wreaking havoc in every area of your life.
It’s such a scary thing, trusting in God when you don’t know what’s next. I can’t say that I have the answer for you. I can only say that I have the answer for me.
And I should say upfront – my own “answer” changes daily, sometimes even hourly.
Obedience no matter what
Obedience is the way.
Be obedient, and He will send an answer. All the time, every time.
Some answers I try to pretend I don’t hear. Honestly, most answers I don’t want to hear.
And yeah, it’s scary as hell. The scary part is actually required.
You gotta do stuff you’ve never done before, to get to places you’ve never gone before. You gotta let some people go, tell some people ‘no’, take a chance on some people, get hurt by some people, be disappointed and disgruntled, and oh yeah… be laughed at by a few people.
There’s just no way around it. Faith doesn’t come in a box with a bow. It can be uncomfortable and often painful, and the consequences of following God may not feel good for quite some time. Especially when you can’t see where you’re going.
The Good News
But… there is good news. It does get better!
Almost 3 years later….it is a really, really good time for us. We have released the best Christian dance fitness DVD on the planet. It is fun, faith-based, funky and family-friendly. Our music is off the hook and our choreographers are gifted, talented and anointed.
At Total Fitness DVDs, the largest privately owned online fitness retailer, we are currently the top selling dance fitness DVD. That means a Christian fitness product is legitimately competing with the top secular dance fitness videos currently on the market. And given all those choices, people are choosing us.
It is by the grace of God that I can say today – I am CEO and Chief Creative Officer at Shazzy Fitness. I can’t explain it, or take any credit for it.
He did it. All of it.
I am in love with the Lord and remain in awe of His grace and mercy.