This question was asked in Couples Sunday School, "Who’s in charge?" If the husband is blue collar and is married to a Harvard Grad working for a top Fortune 100 company who is bringing home the “paper,” who makes the decisions for the family?
Is your answer a worldly answer or from a Biblical perspective? There was a great deal of silence at times and at other times, hardy discussion. The true answer is: God is the authority of marriage because He is the Creator of marriage, of man, of woman, of all things. It is He who not only created all things but He gives order and assigned roles for a man as husband and a woman as his wife.
Biblically, there is no dispute about who is to be in charge of the famiy—it is the husband. God created him first and gave him the responsibility to be the servant leader/head of the household. The woman was created from the man’s rib to be his helper, his support, and his compliment for what God has planned for them; but this does not devalue any woman. She should not feel less than her husband. She, too, is made in the image of God. She has been given gifts and talents by the Holy Spirit. She is dearly loved by Jesus and must come to Him on her own to receive Salvation.
Every Believer has been given gifts and talents by the Holy Spirit for the purpose of doing what He has called us to do. If it is ordained for the wife to be a highly paid specialty doctor, and the husband to be a moderately paid blue collar worker, they both have to be the best they can be. Do all for the glory of God. There is great joy in pleasing God with our gifts, talents, and time. But it does not mean that wives are to elevate themselves above, or to unseat their husband from his God-ordained role as chosen head of your family just because her income is higher. Nor does it mean the husband is to sit back, not continue to lead his family, and fulfill his role as Protector, Provider, Priest, and Prophet for his home. God designs and God defines our positions and purpose. Confusion comes for couples when the world enters your home.
- God has ordained the order of your home not your paycheck. The husband is to be the head of the home. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord.”
- The husband holds the final decision. That is not to say that there is not to be any conversation between a man and his wife. A wise and godly man knows that behind every good man is a good woman. She holds him up with respect and she prays for him constantly. Her prayers will guide her to trust God to work through her husband for the good of the family. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
- A wise man knows that he is not perfect, nor does he have the ability to do all things well. He will gratefully and gladly look to his wife to use her gifts and abilities for the good of the household.
A friend of ours, Edouard Charles, says, “A husband should support his wife’s dreams and ambitions.” Through a husband's encouragement, a wife is blessed and he will elevate her self-esteem. Edouard is a strong yet humble man who shows great love as he honors his wife and celebrates her intelligence and tenacity to excel in her career. Ephesians 5:21,”Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
- In a family there should be no ego, pride, or selfishness; only humility and a desire to serve each other in love. In our home, I do the accounting of bills. That’s because my husband, Q, was constantly traveling with his job. I wanted him to come home to refuel and enjoy quality family time. However, now that he’s retired, he has taken on a role I dislike—doing anything outdoors! I gratefully appreciate him taking on that responsibility since I don’t have a green thumb.
Let me be clear, we don’t operate on a 50/50 basis in our home. We both hold each other down in whatever capacity we are needed. There are no charts or lists showing what we do for the other. Instead, we work in tandem to ensure we balance the chores and balance quality time together.
Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves…looking out for the interest of others.”
- What we do, we do because we know that two can accomplish more than one. What we do, we do out of love and respect for the other, for our family to be healthy, whole, and for our home to be peaceful.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10A “Two are better than one, because they had a good return for their labor, if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”
God holds Christian married couples accountable to show the world, who is watching, how marriage by His design looks, feels and is lived out together.
So who’s in charge? God is to be in charge of all Christian marriages and families.